Top four crackers

Posted by Max Robinson on May 31, 2012 in Telegram Past News

Goldfish

These are pretty good crackers. Refreshingly cheesy and really adorable, Goldfish make a great snack, coming in 20 different varieties so that you never get bored. Plus, they sell them in that size where they’re supposed to take several days to eat, but it’s all one bag, so you don’t feel THAT bad if you eat the whole thing at once. They’ve existed since 1993, but went until 1997 without those fun little fishy faces. They are manufactured by Pepperidge Farms, a division of the Campbell Soup Company. A lot of people have been eating these since they could eat solid food, so you’ve also got that nostalgia factor.

Oyster Crackers

Wow, what a fun cracker. Usually about 15mm in diameter, you can put these in soup and they stay at least sort of hard for like 4 minutes. It’s likely they got their name due to their frequent association with clam chowder or perhaps their clamlike shape, as they do not contain oysters themselves. They were pioneered by British emigrant Adam Exton. You’re usually discouraged from putting your food in your other food, but it’s totally allowed here. Most common in the northeastern United States, it’s usually paired with clam chowder, which is also super good. What a cracker.

Saltines

Back to basics. A classic cracker, thin, usually square, and commonly included in military rations. They’ve got perforations in their surface to allow for uniform ventilation, keeping their shape AWESOME. Basically the only thing anyone wants to eat after throwing up, most people associate these with laying in bed and trying not to cry. They’re good as a light snack or in soup. Saltines are a nice break from the hustle and bustle of more complicated crackers. One fun thing you can do with Saltines is attempt to swallow 6 of them at a time. While this sounds easy, your mouth doesn’t produce enough saliva to easily absorb it. I tried this, and on a scale from one to ten I’d put the experience at about a three. They’ve got a very dry and crisp texture, made with less shortening than some other varieties. In the midwest, they are eaten with menthol to prevent and reverse hair loss. You can have them plain, or with butter, or with cheese, or salmon. Literally any spread tastes good on them.

Ritz

Buttery and delicious with a scalloped edge, these are also pretty good. They come in those huge sleeves like Girl Scout cookies, and I think that’s exciting. Now that they come in a wider variety of flavors (Original, Low Sodium, Reduced Fat, Whole Wheat, Roasted Vegetable, Garlic Butter, Honey Butter, Hint of Salt and Fresh Stacks), the fun just keeps growing. Hot dang. They are baked to a crisp. These are an alright cracker. Each serving (5 crackers) contains 1 gram of protein and 4 grams of fat. Their website features all kinds of fun recipes, from blueberry cracker bites to zesty roast beef bites.